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No One Would Ever Commit Crimes (If Spider Man's super power was shooting spiders out of his hands.)

Seriously... instructions do NOT matter... it can not be done.

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Dear God! No more online dating photos of shirtless straight men taking self-portraits in their bathroom mirrors, please! Is that really necessary?

I often walk a fine line between "super fun" mom and "kinda-psychotic-maybe-we-should-call-the-authorities" mom.

The cure for boredom is Pinterest. There is no cure for Pinterest...

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When I go out in public looking like crap I throw on a pair of tennis shoes hoping that everyone will assume I've been working out.

I re-pin all of your stuff & you re-pin all of mine... Even though we've never met, clearly we are pindred spirits.

I set my clock ahead to prevent being late...all it really does is sharpen my subtraction skills