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I just ran my first marathon this morning. Just kidding. I'm on my third cupcake.

I want to listen to you but I'm thinking about snacks.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, but if you continue to scream like that I'm going to act like I don't know you.

I just realized that way too many of my conversations begin with, 'So I saw this thing on Pinterest...'

I think this is hilarious...the husband probably not so much though:)

When Im dead, I want people to remember me by starting off each sentence with 'She was the craziest bitch I knew, this one time....'

Funny Weekend Ecard: So much to do....... So little desire to do it.

You’re not truly a parent till you’ve swatted blindly into the back seat of the car, hoping to connect with a kid.

I take comfort in knowing that people younger than me look older than me.

There are eight ways of contacting me through my phone that don't involve me having to talk to you. Use one of those.

♥ ♥ ♥ Being asked if I want another drink is like being asked if I want money.

One day my patience will run out, and I will punch you in the face. Very Hard. HAHAHA!!