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Ahh the ole "yesterdays whore" look.. I rock this more than I'd like to admit..

The residue of last night s smoky eye is this mornings hooker .

He really has no Idea after all this time I still get butterflies, He's the only one who has my eyes,To him I'm beautiful, To me He's Fine, Im so thankful his heart is mine.

Thanks for giving my husband a place to live after you wrecked our family. On a good note, he has only cheated on you a few times. sorry HO bag.

Dear axe body spray — really funny jokes  in http://www.myfunjokes.com/funny-sms/dear-axe-body-spray-really-funny-jokes/

A guy I work with sprays Axe Body Spray all over himself after every break to "cover up" the smell of cigarette smoke. He continues to smell like smoke and now also smells of nasty Axe Body Spray.

Lol!!! I can't!!!!!!

I fart. whisper in my panties? If you "whisper in your panties", you're in denial!

Funny because I love Phantom of the Opera! I sing it to myself often.

Funny Friendship Ecard: That moment you and your best friend talk shit about another person telepathically.

this is funny bc i am suppose to be cleaning.. and instead Kristina and I went to stock up on alcohol and wine. for cheap prices lol bahaha

Funny Encouragement Ecard: Today, Ill be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying all my shit with Febreeze.

Seriously! You can't be nice to anyone without someone thinking that you're flirting.

Please stop mistaking my wonderful sense of humor as flirtation. Just because I make you laugh does not mean I want you. I'm just naturally hilarious. {I'm not flirting. I'm just funny} customers don't understand

" i feel better about myself when I'm wearing workout clothes because that means I'm one step closer from possibly maybe working out."

eCard: I feel better about myself when I'm wearing workout clothes because that means I'm one step closer to possibly maybe working out. So true!

Popping The (birth control) Pill

Popping The (birth control) Pill (Party of One)

Funny Music Ecard: Hey here's some Midol. Those cramps are CRAZY! But here's the bright side.It's not a baby.

Life isn't a fairytale...

Funny Drinking Ecard: Life isn't a fairytale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you might want to slow down on the tequila.

Ijs is altijd goed

I'm going to open an ice cream shop and name the flavors things like: dont be sad, he's not worth it, you deserve better. That would be awesome!

~KK

Funny Confession Ecard: Good friends discuss their sex lives. Best friends talk about

Omg, I think this all the time! Lol!

Funny Confession Ecard: next time someone tells me to expect the unexpected I'm going to punch them in the face & ask if they expected that.

ahahahah

Be careful in that tanning bed, or I will starting telling u that u have been dorito raped

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