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honestly, it's literally the deciding factor for most events i'm invited to.

My mom always said I'd get worms, not salmonella. But, I've been doing it for almost 40 years, and I've never gotten either.

This is my philosophy right there. Same goes for cookie dough. I will buy packages of cookie dough and just eat it, don't even bake cookies. It drives my fiance crazy.

On our anniversary, I want you to know how much I've enjoyed annoying you all this time & how excited I am to keep doing so in the future.

Funny Anniversary Ecard: On our anniversary, I want you to know how much I've enjoyed annoying you all this time & how excited I am to keep doing so in the future.

every time..

Lol this is how I feel every time I have to change my password at work!

No lunch for me. I'm on a new diet called, 'I have Five Dollars till Friday.'

food budget before kids: buy ALL the food! food budget after kids: well maybe I can just buy of the food and exist on crackers

@haliestewart

Funny Cry for Help Ecard: I used to be a people-person. but people ruined that for me. As a waitress this is sooooo true.

I don't trip...

Sunday brunch (60 photos)

RANDOM Gravity checks are very important. "Nothing is wrong with the earth's gravity." They say, but that's because I check it!

When someone stares at me, I assume they are taking notes.... On how to be fabulous.

Free and Funny Confession Ecard: When someone stares at me, I assume they are taking notes. On how to be fabulous.

Been having a lot of days where this happens! haha

My first instinct…

Funny pictures about My first instinct. Oh, and cool pics about My first instinct. Also, My first instinct.

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