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My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He told me I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.

Yuck, I have almost broken my neck trying to flush with my foot.

Public toilet = flush with foot. I always use my foot to flush ALWAyS in public bathrooms

25 Funny Mom Memes

40 Hilarious Memes That Moms Will Love

You know you're a mom when going shopping at Target by yourself feels like a vacation and going on a family vacation feels like work. Vacations with the kids are so fun, but a lot of work too!

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Funny christmas quotes - what are your wishes this year? For more funny quotes visit www.

If it did, it would certainly make some women a lot more tolerable!

too bad bitching doesn't burn calories.I'd be one skinny bitch!

Funny swimming picture - sharks or seaweed

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. I AM TERRIFIED OF SEAWEED!

:-) it's true....

yep, i should keep a pad and pen next to my bed so i can remember it in the morning

Qoutes

Free and Funny Confession Ecard: I LOVE EXERCISE! Just not as much as I love wine. or my friends. or sitting on my ass. or a combination of any of the above.never mind.

LOL, I love ecards I hate those signs lol

I've always wondered why people announce they have a baby in the car. as if it makes a difference in the way people drive. This is hilarious!

Now this is exactly how Future Progression feels like. Half dreaming and half awake.

Story of my life! Autopilot driving isn't safe -- oh well!

Money can't buy happiness, but I'd cheer up much faster sipping a margarita on the beach outside of my oceanfront mansion | meme

6 Emotions Every Couple Experiences While Planning Their Wedding

"Money can't buy happiness, but I'd cheer up much faster sipping a margarita on the beach outside of my oceanfront mansion." - Funny but slightly true.

Chocolate Craving - Cup of Brownie - Pin It Blog

Sometimes You Just Need A Little Chocolate

Free and Funny News Ecard: You know you're desperate for a chocolate fix when you find yourself raiding your baking supplies for semi-sweet chocolate morsels.

Youre such a good friend that.. - http://jokideo.com/youre-such-a-good-friend-that/

Youre such a good friend that..

Funny Friendship Ecard: You're such a good friend that if we were ever in a sinking boat and there was only one life preserver, I'd miss you and think about you often. you can swim better after all.

good question  lol

Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking "I'm gonna kill- ahh damn! She's under a blanket.

dumpaday, funny pictures, funny quotes (33)

Today's modern woman * Clean house * Healthy dinner on the table (at dinnertime) * Fit, trim & well-groomed * Works full time * Laundry done & put away * Great sex life * . pick any two

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