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Boy: "May I buy you a cocktail?" Girl: "Alcohol is bad for my legs." Boy: "Do they swell?" Girl: "No, they spread"

The Most Interesting Man In The World

I don't always bake cookies.but when I do, I only bake 4 because I already ate the rest of the dough.

I get asked 20 times a week where the batteries are....ummm, on the display with the HUGE battery on top.

I get asked 20 times a week where the batteries are.ummm, on the display with the HUGE battery on top.

BOOM!!! HAHAHAHA

I wooller why I always get a boat when I look into a mirror? yum‘ dirk tvlinks you' re a pussy; toot Bitter heartless bitch I wooller why always get a boat when look into mirror? yum‘ dirk tvlinks you' re pussy;

So true! @Amanda Austin

Funny ass retro pictures

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.night owls don't serve breakfast in bed :)

It's heavenly having the house to myself!

Carl Jung is so trendy. Years ago, he really made introversion and extroversion a thing. People ran with it. And suddenly it’s 2013 and everybody is misusing the word introvert. You are not an introvert. No you’re

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