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funny joke: u say: OMG DID U HEAR?? some actress got accosted in central park!! Yah like... uh blonde? Shes really famous!! I think she was stabbed!! Uh.. Reese something? they say: Witherspoon? u say: No! With a knife probably :)

I love Ellen and her show, and nearly every one of these tweets made me laugh.

I get scared when I have to sneeze while driving.

Season 1, Episode 4: General Admission

LVC people would know and understand this..I've never had doors held for me for more than 30 seconds anywhere but there.

First, it's the laptop. After that, it's the iPad, then the iPod. This is my hubby and I... almost every night!

this is me almost every night. LOL

Who was the 1st lady to shave her legs & instill in us that hairy legs are gross???? It's her fault we must have hairless legs!!!

This couldn't be more true!! Lol And Florida. That is PERFECT!! Haha

i feel like this about everything!!! such a bummer lol!

WHY can't PINTEREST be my job? I'm so good at it. @ Heidi McCracken