Terry Pratchett: brilliant. If Sam Vimes were real, he'd be my hero. Maybe he is anyway. "'But you've been very good, sir,'" said Carrot. 'I've not seen you touch a drop for--' 'Oh, that,' said Vimes. 'I was talking about policing, not alcohol. There's lots of people will help you with the alcohol business, but there's no one out there arranging little meetings where you can stand up and say, 'My name is Sam and I'm a really suspicious bastard.'"