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Love Coupon: Entitles you to one dinner at your favorite reasonably priced restaurant that I also like.

Hey Mr. Impatient, how about you go down a water slide while it isn't wet. Maybe then you'll understand why foreplay is so important.

Love Coupon: Good for one romantic night on the town where I'll drink too much and you'll drive us home.

I love you like a pig loves not being bacon.

Love Coupon: Good for watching a movie of your choice which I'll pretend to be too manly to enjoy.

Dear wife, Congratulations on being a mother. I'll be in the garage while your baby's crying. Love, husband.

I'd wake up earlier than 10 a.m. for you.

You fulfill me in ways that generally require batteries.