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I've been dieting ALL morning. AM I SKINNY YET???

Sound familiar? It's no surprise that 98% of dieters fail. So what are the successful 2% doing?

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People don't want to hear about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce, and be sad.

I just ran my first marathon this morning. Just kidding. I'm on my third cupcake.

Funny Pictures Of The Day – 83 Pics

My Diet Plan: Make all of my friends cupcakes; the fatter they get, the thinner I look...

#1 Weight loss secret that NOBODY is telling you...THIS WORKS FAST! I lost over 15+ lbs in 3 wks. My results have been awesome!

Well, am I? (But the health editor in us says: Eat breakfast!)

CLEAN YOUR MATTRESS: pour about 1 cup of baking soda into a mason jar and drop in 4 drops of lavender essential oil. Put on lid and shake jar. Using a kitchen strainer sprinkle the baking soda mixture all over the mattress and let it sit for an hour or more. Thoroughly vacuum the mattress. Bye, bye dust mites and other nasty things. The baking soda helps draw up any moisture and deep dirtiness. It deodorizes and leaves the mattress smelling fresh and clean.

You are what you eat? Well, I'd rather be a cupcake than a freakin' carrot...