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I want to grow my own food, but I can't find any bacon seeds.

Why are the women who make the worst mothers also the ones who are the most fertile?

I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.

I'm not always right, but when I am it's usually all of the time.

sorry i'm not sorry.... hahaha. WARNING: this happens on the reg. thank you, come again.

Let's open a new store called Forever 39. We can sell wine and spanx.

Pretty soon colleges are going to offer a new major...Pinterest Psychologist because we may all need therapy one day. haha.

Whoever said 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels' has clearly never had cupcakes. Or wine. Or chocolate. Or pizza.

Me when doing senior project hours at a Catholic Church. Since I am lds I am not used to catholic wedding traditions so when they do something I'm not used to, it surprises me therefore I kinda smirk. I feel so bad when I do that. Nothing against the other religion I swear.

Hon, I know where we keep everything in the house. I live here, remember? Said no husband ever.