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this is me almost every night. LOL

funny joke: u say: OMG DID U HEAR?? some actress got accosted in central park!! Yah like... uh blonde? Shes really famous!! I think she was stabbed!! Uh.. Reese something? they say: Witherspoon? u say: No! With a knife probably :)

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I love Ellen and her show, and nearly every one of these tweets made me laugh.

If you need me... I will be on pinterest trying to break some sort of personal record. | Confession Ecard | someecards.com

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I realize that I am highly educated and have an expansive vocabulary, but sometimes the most appropriate thing to say is OMG!!

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Look, I'm trying to rant here. Stop interrupting me with "facts" and "reason".

There may be two sides to every story, but you're still a douche in both of them.