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    Serenity prayer, minion style


    I'm sorry for the things I said when I was cold.

    Don't mistake this fake smile and professional body language. I'd punch you in the throat if I knew I wouldn't lose my job.

    Remember There are two types of men… Wankers and Liars

    Just a friendly reminder to go fuck yourself.

    Of course I'm her favorite aunt... I'm freakin' awesome!!!!

    I love you with all my butt. I would say heart, but my butt is bigger.

    You there Friday! You sexy son of a bitch, welcome back! We've been looking for you since Monday

    Fuck this shit. I'm out!

    The recipe for today. One cup cluster. Two cups fuck.

    Why is "patience" a virtue? Why can't "hurry the fuck up" be a virtue?

    You had me at "I hate everyone too."

    I love that we get to hate everything and everyone together.

    I hate everyone. Me too. Let's be friends.

    I hate everyone who isn't you.

    I dislike being away from you not only because I love you...but also because I hate everyone else

    I've never hated anyone as much as I hate everyone.

    Daily Odd Compliment.

    I'd love to go to the gym with you and watch you work out.


    no offense

    Your street won't be the only thing getting plowed this Valentines Day.