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Have to post these hilarious pick up lines guys have tried to use on me lately : howcome your not in jail?? It should be illegal to look that good! When I saw you, I fainted and hit my head, I need your name and number for insurance reasons: is the airport somewhere around here?? Or is it just my heart I feel taking off?? Omg silly boys

"Your relentless political Facebook posts finally turned me around to your way of thinking." Said nobody, ever.

If I had a dollar for every time I've wanted to shoot you, I'd have enough money to buy the gun and hide the evidence.

Maybe money can't buy happiness, but I think it's only fair to give me some and let me learn that lesson myself.