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Dear Fork, I understand that we haven't spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is spork. He has your hair. Sincerely, Spoon

WHY can't PINTEREST be my job? I'm so good at it. @ Heidi McCracken

I seriously died both from cute overload and how awesome tumblr constantly is.

Hopefully pirates will keep you & save the rest of the world from your filthy skank ass!

Funny Encouragement Ecard: Sometimes when I'm depressed I take a pregnancy test so that I can say 'At least I'm not pregnant.'

I didn't write it LOL and it drives me INSANE that it says HEALS....but it's still funny anyway.....

From a proud dog owner!!!

HAHA! If this was the case, I think women would get progressively skinnier during pregnancy.

No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

Hehehe. Id have some fun. And id turn people I like into unicorns with my magical self and then the world would be rid of idiots and filled with magical psycho unicorns. The good kind of psycho though not the serial killer kind.

So then they handcuffed me and said 'Anything you say can and will be held against you' So I said 'Johnny Depp'.