Pitney-Bowes Postage Meter: Ha! Don't we all wish we could murder people sometimes? What on earth did this woman do? Put too many of those darned 4c stamps on a postcard again! Being the woman she is, maybe she put another letter in the post with no stamps at all. Buying this product will save lives.
Tipalet Flavored Cigarettes: There's nothing quite as sexy as a strange man blowing second hand smoke in your eyes. You better run, girl, because that man is blowing cancer all up in your face. Ah, the good ole days, when people could sell you things that slowly kill you, while making them seem oh so sexy.
Friends don't let friends be skinny and unattractive.