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After a few days of so-called "coincidental twinning" it became obvious to Quinoa that her beloved au pair Fontanelle was, in fact, stealing her intellectual property. #MIWDTD #HowToQuinoa

Although Quinoa and Chevron recruited Mezzanine for their Indoor Soccer Jump Rope League, they had serious misgivings when she showed up for team photos at the stadium in athletic gear. #MIWDTD #HowToQuinoa

Quinoa and her friends Rhapsody and Periwinkle have started a coffeehouse band called Smashed Cucumber Salad. #MIWDTD

After a weeklong textile cleanse, Quinoa loves to celebrate her minimalist high by pushing up her sleeves and rearranging the furniture via shoving it all off the balcony into the pool and starting fresh. #MIWDTD #HowToQuinoa (Hey Quinoa fans: start your own textile cleanse at Primary.com and get free shipping for a year with code QUINOA.)

There was an awkward moment at Coachella when Quinoa took her new assistant Fleek into the pop-up forest installation and explained that an acorn sash should never be worn with a gilded bird and where was he raised anyway, at Kohls? #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Though she's never been accused of being an optimist, Quinoa does tend to look at life through hexagonal designer glasses. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Never one to take chances during allergy season, Quinoa requires her au pair Fontanelle to thoroughly dust her every day. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Quinoa is very good at setting boundaries. For example, in order for everyone to admire her outfit, she had them take three steps back and form a nice semi-circle. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Sometimes January 2nd is tough for Quinoa because she's already accomplished all of her New Year's goals. #MIWDTD #HowToQuinoa

While it's too soon to say where it will lead or what it means, Quinoa did accept Boursin's invitation to go get ombre lowlights and kale smoothies together. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

During the intermission of her mind-blowing holiday tribute to Sara Bareilles, Quinoa noticed that you don't have her book How to Quinoa yet. Wow. Really? #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

In spite of Quinoa's constant direction and feedback, Teavana clearly wasn't equipped to assume the role and pressures of Second Rabbit. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

On the first day of Quinoa, my Chevron gave to me: HOW TO QUINOA in a pear tree. #12DaysofQuinoa #MIWDTD

After a long morning of DIY, Quinoa quietly admired the swimming pool she built entirely out of wood pallets and washi tape while her au pair Fontanelle took a rest. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Quinoa's friend Hashtag has a simple return policy for his wholesale accessory business: duke it out. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Quinoa suffers from a rare sleep disorder that causes her to peel beige wallpaper in hotels and form it into floral parade floats. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

After a traumatic encounter with animal halitosis, Quinoa's friend Hewn has dedicated his life to teaching various wildlife how to gargle mouthwash. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

No amount of snow or road closures will ever stop Quinoa's manny Lozenge from getting her to her mani/pedi appointment on time. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Quinoa and her friend Celiac love to lose a whole morning just playing the blues and riffing on life back in the aughts. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

A few years ago, Tiffany Beveridge was contemplating whether she wanted to have a third child. Instead, she gave birth to a Pinterest board.

Before performing a new standup set at the Knock Knock Club, Quinoa always rehearses with her employees Bey and Bae, who have contracted to emit contagious peals of laughter during every show. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Quinoa felt bad about nodding off during Chevron's memoir reading, so she suggested her BFF begin the chapter again, read the rest in a cockney accent, and skip over the boring parts. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

On the surface, it was an average Polka Dot Inception-themed play date, but if things go according to plan, Quinoa has successfully set in motion the global eradication of chicken nuggets. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

Sometimes Quinoa gets really incensed about how easily the word artisanal gets tossed around these days. #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA

"Please excuse Quinoa's absence at school today. Unfortunately, she isn't feeling on brand." #MIWDTD #HOWTOQUINOA