• Janice Cuneo

    God, if that ain't the truth! "If stress burned calories, I be a f*ing supermodel!"

  • Karli Dodge

    haha so true! Story of my life.

  • Julie Gouveia

    If stress burned calories, I'd be a supermodel.... so true!

  • Kathy Nagoda

    What Would Happen If Stress Burned Calories – Funny!! If this would be true then i would have been a supermodel over and over…..:-)

  • Fah Pimsiri

    "If stress burned calories, I'd be a SUPERMODEL." #quotes #stress

  • Jennie Taylor

    funny quote about life. For more funny short quotes visit www.bestfunnyjoke...

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Looks like the hot nights are over. But enough about my SEX LIFE.


Mood Swings

Everything I like is either expensive, fattening or won't text me back.

Write that bitch a sonnet. Bitches love sonnets.

Just fat

I'd jump up and down for joy, but my boobs are just way too big for that nonsense.

I paid my psychiatrist to follow me on facebook..

This happens every time!

Farts are just the ghosts of the things we ate.

There seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere.

Can I be excused for the rest of my life?

Karma's about to give you a great big kiss!

Being a person is getting too complicated. Time to be a unicorn.

I don't understand why you pay a shrink. I'll tell you what's wrong with you for free.

Me? Crazy?

Go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here.

How's that working out?

I thought 2015 was going to be my year but clearly that ship has sailed.

Ha Ha Ha!

Sometimes all you need is someone to hold you and say "It's going to be okay. You're beautiful. Here, have $10 million."

We will probably never understand black holes. Or why women fall madly in love with douchbags.

I'm gonna go fuck shit up...You comin???

It's been one of those days for like 3 years now.