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We are so hilarious. I feel bad for the people who don't get to listen to our conversations and enjoy our hilariousness.

Then remember that Mozart wasn't 35 living in his Mother's basement watching Spongebob.

I laughed at this more than I should have!

I'm afraid I can't go. I've already taken off my bra, so I'm in for the night.

When I travel somewhere… P.S. whoever made this on the internet (which wasn't me) spelled actually wrong. Not blaming anyone but just flagging that.

"And they live happily ever after"...The library by my mom's house actually has an event called "Reading with Dogs" where they bring in (shelter?) dogs & let kids read to them.

Dogs are surprisingly good psychologists…

Are you my pillow? Well actually no choice cause u r now! Peace & comfort among friends! Love it!

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

This is the last time I tell the dog walker it's OK that I'll walk all the dogs while she gets her manicure!