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'Wow, that Lean Cuisine really filled me up', said no one ever.

I'll do anything not to make to trips to the car....

I think i finally get this shit...... 'Adulthood' is mostly about being tired and wishing you hadn't made plans.

It's A Scientific Fact: You should never tell a woman she's crazy, unless you want to see crazy.

It's all like spazed out looking....then you twitch and stuff...and I just sit there in anticipation's a lot to deal with...

I'd say that's pretty accurate...although it does depend on who the drunk is lol

Just calling to remind you that I know you in real life, so your Facebook posts aren't fooling anyone.

Funny Friendship Ecard: You are not responding in the way I imagined you would respond when I acted out this conversation in my head. Stop it.

Never trust anyone if the group has more than 2 people. Unless those people are your friends then trust away!

I once went to a professional headhunter. They did a personality assessment on me, and the first thing the guy said to me when he saw my results was "You have no patience for stupid people."

That's funny.. I don't remember putting it there... ;)