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Lord give me patience . . . Because, if you give me strength, I'm gonna need bail money to go with it.

Lord give me patience . . . Because, if you give me strength, I'm gonna need bail money to go with it.

Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. That's like shooting someone then telling them to not bleed.  #someecards

Don't make me mad then tell me to calm down. That's like shooting someone then telling them to not bleed. #someecards

I don't have the energy to pretend I like you today.

I don't have the energy to pretend I like you today.

Those who say there is no such thing as a stupid question...Have never worked in Customer Service.

Those who say there is no such thing as a stupid question...Have never worked in Customer Service.

I'm having technical difficulties with my attitude today. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you. Avoidance is suggested for safety. | Confession Ecard | someecards.com

I'm having technical difficulties with my attitude today. I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause you. Avoidance is suggested for safety. | Confession Ecard | someecards.com

Men: If you ever wanna know what a woman's mind feels like....

Men: If you ever wanna know what a woman's mind feels like....

'Why can't we be friends?', Well, because you're three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket and I don't have time for a mess like you.

'Why can't we be friends?', Well, because you're three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket and I don't have time for a mess like you.

Funny Confession Ecard: I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surpised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Funny Confession Ecard: I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being just as surpised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

Funny Confession Ecard: Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.

Funny Confession Ecard: Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is my own island where I won't have to deal with any stupid people.

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is my own island where I won't have to deal with any stupid people.