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I set my clock ahead to prevent being late...all it really does is sharpen my subtraction skills

Homemade with love. In other words, I licked the spoon and kept using it.

Hon, I know where we keep everythin in the house. I live here, remember? Said no husband ever.

I dont always lose my phone... but when I do, it's always on silent | Reminders Ecard

If you want to drive a girl insane simply delete her Pinterest page. It's like destroying her memories, hopes & desires. -Dane Cook.

I get that dead stare from people and the head shake that seems to ask, "Okay, and?"

I don't hate people, I just feel better when they aren't around.

You know it's time for a pedicure when you can exfoliate one foot with the other one.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, but if you continue to scream like that I'm going to act like I don't know you.

I like to stalk my own Pinterest boards to remind myself what awesome taste in life I have.

LOL THIS IS SO ME OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING THAT SCREAMS MY NAME MORE LOLOL

I like to think that my cynicism, smart aleck comments, and unprovoked anger make me undeniably desirable to men. That's how Elizabeth snagged Mr. Darcy afterall.