My favorite color is 10mg Xanax.

That moment when you decide to punch your husband in the face While he's sleeping cause you'd rather Hear him bitch then listen to him snore.

Thxs to Xanax @Katherine Adams Daras lol


Hahahahaha truth


When we're old... to my favorite lady and friend.

My weakness!



(I don't agree, because you can be a woman without kids, but this made me laugh...a LOT)

I'm going to need you to get some business..... and then mind it.


You Sir, are the human version of period cramps.

I hope the bus you threw me under swerves to hit you on the sidewalk.

Yep! Funny Confession Ecard: I'm kind of a lady, but definitely more of a pervert.

I want to grow my own food, but I can't find any bacon seeds.

The only time anyone should ever use phrase 'ride or die' is if you're a paramedic and your patient won't get in the ambulance.


Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you're welcome.