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Print off a few pages of one liners by Mitch Hedberg, and pull them out whenever you need a laugh. Works for me every time.

I've lived here my entire life, surf, fish, kayak, swim, snorkel, paddle board etc and I still freak if I touch something under the water and then I book it!!

every time. I think this is an INTJ thing. I don't know anyone else who 'gets' this!

She told me she has been wishing for a unicorn forever - a real unicorn, not a stuffed one like the one she got from Santa last year. :o)

Johnny Deep and Robert Downey Jr. same movie yes please with a side of Robins humor ! Haha

lmfao. Yup! I cant tell you how awkward it is for ME(the waitress) Im like fuck don't worry about saying anything Ill come back later! While these poor folks are trying to swallow their huge mouthfuls of food. So... if you do this... don't worry your waitress feels just as awkward I promise! lol

Yesss ...so sexxy...but sometimes when they know you do and they feel the same ..they act as if they could care less instead? Dont complicate it ...Let Go and Just Enjoy !!!

Love this!!! "everybody deserves somebody who makes them look forward to tomorrow"

I hate when the debit/credit card reader at the checkout asks if the amount is okay? No. It's not. I want all this crap for a dollar.

Yes, this is basically exactly me some days.