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Dear Weatherman: When I said I'd like to see 105 someday, I meant my weight. Well played, asshole.

Dear Weatherman: When I said I'd like to see 105 someday, I meant my weight. Well played, asshole.

Don't feel bad that a 15 year old gymnast has accomplished more with her life than you ever will. At least your boobs are bigger and you can eat carbs.

Don't feel bad that a 15 year old gymnast has accomplished more with her life than you ever will. At least your boobs are bigger and you can eat carbs.

Funny Confession Ecard: I have no idea what just happened in that movie theater...but I'm definitely pregnant with Channing Tatum's baby.

Funny Confession Ecard: I have no idea what just happened in that movie theater...but I'm definitely pregnant with Channing Tatum's baby.

At least you can turn out the porch light to avoid the candy snatchers!

At least you can turn out the porch light to avoid the candy snatchers!

"Kiss my ass! You cheated on me in my dream last night and I'm not over it!"    This sounds like my husband, not me.

"Kiss my ass! You cheated on me in my dream last night and I'm not over it!" This sounds like my husband, not me.

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