First, take time to get to know yourself before you seek a partner who fits. Second, once you know yourself, BE yourself. Express who you are in everything you say and do-be authentic. You will attract the very best partner for you.
Every now and then I panic about this. But I just remind myself that everything I'm doing has a purpose and eventually I'll get to where I'm going (or die trying, in which case it will still have been a life of purpose)
You're so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that made you more wise, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this