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Funny Confession Ecard: next time someone tells me to expect the unexpected I'm going to punch them in the face & ask if they expected that.

Funny Friendship Ecard: The residue of last night's 'smoky eye' is this morning's 'hooker murdered in a back alley' eye.

smoky eye e card. This is me couple times a week, I hate washing my face at the end of the night.

It just isn't Christmas unless you push your body to the brink of alcholism and diabetes.

Funny Christmas Season Ecard: It just isn't Christmas unless you push your body to the brink of alcholism and diabetes.

guess so

Don't let my looks deceive you. I have the mouth of a sailor, temper of an Italian housewife, and the tolerance of an Irishman.yep this is me!

This is a list of who asked for your opinion.

Funny Apology Ecard: This is a list of who asked for your opinion.

Seriously! You can't be nice to anyone without someone thinking that you're flirting.

Please stop mistaking my wonderful sense of humor as flirtation. Just because I make you laugh does not mean I want you. I'm just naturally hilarious. {I'm not flirting. I'm just funny} customers don't understand

My heart has no room for you but the trunk of my car definitely does.

Funny ecard - My heart has no room for you but the trunk of my car (HUMMER) :) definitely does

Hahahah!!!! I was just thinking this today! Stupid signs... Nobody cares if there's a baby on board or how many stick people are in your family!

I've always wondered why people announce they have a baby in the car. as if it makes a difference in the way people drive. This is hilarious!

Really thank you

I wish more people practiced the art of "pretending". My world would be sooo.much better;

I don't understand how some women have 20 plus bridesmaids. I don't even like that many people. | Wedding Ecard | someecards.com

this is the most accurate thing ever. I don't get the whole bridesmaid thing, period. They get people they hardly ever talk to so it looks like they actually have friends.

I cant quit laughing at this

I don't fart, I whisper in my panties . but sometimes it's a scream. I laughed so hard.

I want us to have a love like Romeo and Juliet...I'll pretend I'm dead and you can go kill yourself

I want us to have a love like Romeo and Juliet.I'll pretend I'm dead and you can go kill yourself

17 E-Cards That Perfectly Sum Up Your Feelings About Your Job | Thought Catalog

17 E-Cards That Perfectly Sum Up Your Feelings About Your Job

Since it's difficult to infer tone in an email, you should assume all mine are sarcastic or bitchy. I wish my job would let me add this to my email signature- it would cut down on replies