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it's so simple...but they NEVER listen.

Cause it's like I'm the effing Charlie Brown teacher around here. I'm not even a mom yet but I think this is hilarious!

And all the people said, Amen!

Funny Christmas Season Ecard: It just isn't Christmas unless you push your body to the brink of alcholism and diabetes.

Please excuse my social awkwardness. I stay at home with a toddler all day.

Funny Apology Ecard: Please excuse my social awkwardness. I stay at home with a toddler all day.

Curly hair rules!

Curly hair rules!

Thank goodness my midget gasoline thieves sleep well at night, or I might die.

Kids have so much energy because they siphon it out of their parents like midget gasoline thieves.

Holiday cookie swap, my ass. I'd rather have a cocktail swap. Same calories, cleaner kitchen!

Funny Seasonal Ecard: Holiday cookie swap, my ass. I'd rather have a cocktail swap.

So glad he hates you now as much as I do MANdy Dennis Smith of Buchanan Va! Quit fucking other women's husbands....go home to yours, remember him...Richard Brian Smith?! What does he think of you screwing married men?! Hope he finds out!!

Funny Family Ecard: We are married. If I am pissed off at someone,so. you are pissed off at them too. End of story.

Funny Family Ecard: If you are going to scream like that, you better be on fire with a stick in your eye.

My daughter doesn't do that shit. And parents that allow their kids to.well I will light you on fire and put a stick in your eye!

TRUE LOVE... is picking a gigantic booger that isn't even yours.

Totally made me think of Kenzi "Mommy has a boogie in her nose. David has a boogie in his nose.

Literally dying at this right now!

With my new diet I'm hoping to reach my original weight of funny thing is that was my weight when I was born

hahaha that's probably gonna be my kid!

Just when I think my son is a little carbon copy of his father.That he inherited nothing from me.He trips over his own feet and slams into a wall.there I am. Haha, so true!

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Sometimes i think this is really me, but i'm sure that most of the time i may be the only one laughing at my jokes, but that's perfectly alright by me b/c i am hilarious.

True friends understand this.

Friendship Must Be Built On A Solid Foundation Of Alcohol, Sarcasm, Inappropriateness, & Shenanigans!

:)

A girl's best friend Haha Funny Friendship Ecard: A good friend brings over a bottle of wine to share. A best friend brings two.

Baaahahahahaha so true!

I must need an interpreter because when I say "Hurry, put your shoes on and get in the car", my kids hear, "It's a good time to poop.

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