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Whenever a bird shits on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then He made the earth round ... and laughed and laughed and laughed ... You gotta love it! #giggles #funny

Instagram is down, just describe your lunch to me - Funny hipster on the phone is desperate because Instagram is down.

Hee hee. True story. I'm the mom of two amazing kids with behavioral disorders. They are little shits. ;)