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Whisper app - Don't necessarily like the picture, but the quote is spot on.

Sneezing when you wear a low cut top is the worst because you always sneeze into your cleavage.

I haven't been on time for anything since I had a kid four years ago.

"This shit be stronger than my relationships"

My secret: I'm a Dr. and I send my nurse in to ask my patients symptoms. That way I can google the symptoms and suggested meds before seeing the patient.

"The Patriots Super Bowl rings are in!"

"Today I got asked out without make up on. Faith in men restored."

I'm a waiter when I clean tables I take the untouched food into the back and eat it because I can't afford food 😞