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I have owned over a million bobby pins and hair-ties in my lifetime. Do you want to know how many I have now? Maybe 5.

I know I would if I were a kindergarten teacher...

These shopping gimmicks always kill me. I love how they say " open a new credit card and get 15% off today's purchase when you know the interest rate is going to be 22%.... Every month!! No thanks!!

To all the girls that think back fat doesn't exist... it does... so stop dressing like a whore. CAUSE YOUR BACK FAT IS STILL THERE hahahaha

at the rate im going, my friends grand kids will baby sit my kids

Ha. Just had to giggle at myself. Are you an electronic hoarder too?

The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest.

Funny Baby Ecard: Oh, that's cute that you let your kid get away with everything. Won't be cute when he is 28 and still living in your basement.

I just used my last Pandora skip for the hour

Nothing related to Halloween scares me. What scares me is when I flush someone elses toilet and the water keeps rising.

Funny Thinking of You Ecard: I love you so much. Except when you snore and then I just want to punch you in the face.

Thank+you+for+voicing+that+terrible+idea+and+making+this+meeting+last+even+longer.