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i just died a little

I knew he looked familiar! He is so ugly! This season of the bachelor is a comedy in more ways than one

I am not playing the lottery. Good luck.

we went in together at work. 53 sets of number. Anybody that works with me understands that if my luck is better than my statistics then i am winning!

So don't pick that as your superhero power.

You would

If you could read my mind, Im pretty sure youd be traumatized for life. things-i-mean

My hubby knows alllll about this. He's so good he brings me bags of M&Ms ;)

My hubby knows alllll about this. He's so good he brings me bags of M&Ms ;

meaningless facebook statuses. annoying as hell.

I completely hate meaningless statuses that should be in a diary

I should have this printed on a card that I  can hand to every person I meet.

I should have this printed on a card that I can hand to every person I meet.

Twat are you saying? I cunt hear you.

I still had respect for Tiger, until I learned that his first night out on the town was a Nickelback concert.

When someone tells me how great Nickleback is I want to take a dump in my hand & ask them if they like chocolate too.

Can I get an AMEN?!  (This is not to say I don't love the iPad!)

I don't use an iPad to read. I keep it real motherfuckers.

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