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Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.

Dear Face Wash Commercials, Nobody actually splashes their face with water like that. Sincerely, my bathroom is sopping wet now.

I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

I'm not saying you're stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.