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I don't always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Every time I take a Calculus test…

I do so many things well, none of which generate income.

yup, as im currently eatting cake.. hmm if only eating made you sexy and toned... :(

The reason the "lol" is the most stupid. It gives people the opportunity to say rude, pompous, condescending shit, and THINK they can get away with it.

That moment when you talk to yourself and you start smiling like an idiot because you're just so hilarious.

Do not ever underestimate my ability to find shit out.

We, as human beings, always make mistakes. Some lie about their mistakes to get attention, while others are genuine and tell of their mistakes so you know that your not alone. :)

True that . . . . I used to work with a night shift manager decades ago who thought he was 'God's gift to Womanhood' so, of course, I HAD to be interested in him, right? Oh how wrong he I learned I had to have comebacks for those jerks who were like him.

I AM that funny! Not hilarious funny.....a weird funny, but I'm comfortable with it.