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I really need to..

Funny Thinking of You Ecard: Have you tried the 7 day 'stop fucking eating everything' cleanse?

Will cocktails be served at your daughter's princess party or shall I tailgate in your driveway? | Birthday Ecard | someecards.com

I'll be saying this to my friends with kids. But then again, this might be why I'm not being invited to the princess parties.

And then he told me he was gay and didn't want to get near any vaginas and it got awkward.

Daily Afternoon Randomness (50 Photos)

I'd call you a douchebag, but that would imply you could get near a vagina.

men just cant take being sick....

Funny Apology Ecard: Oh you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg and now my body is violently ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue? My life it's not even funny

It's mean, but I can't help that I find it funny. I was there once, so does that excuse me a little?

Free and Funny Thinking Of You Ecard: You're fat. I'm not going to sugar coat it because you'll eat that too.

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Funny Confession Ecard: I can't cook & hate to clean, but I'm certain my expertise in sarcasm & raiding the Target clearance section makes me a rare gem. This is me.

Funny Friendship Ecard: I'm seriously considering hiring a third grader to proofread your Facebook status updates for you.

Funny Friendship Ecard: I'm seriously considering hiring a third grader to…