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You flipped the bitch switch, so sit down, buckle up, and enjoy the ride, asshole. Sorry, but this really made me laugh

Amen - I'm sorry, call me old-fashioned, but I think shorts should be longer than your vagina.

"Watching my daughter at the park earlier. Another parent asked "Which one's yours?" Just for fun I said "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified."

Funny Friendship Ecard: This is my cup of care. Oh look, it's empty!