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This is what I think everytime I see all of those fake friends on my fb acting like they have the greatest life in the world! Bitch please!

The truth about women - I just love that she calls makeup war paint and a bra armor haha.

I can't attest to the first, but the second couldn't be more true!

YOU KNOW IT! @Kelsea Yarbrough - take heed.... and change your hair back to the color I gave you when you were borned... (love, mom)

The best thing about being in my 30's is that I did all of my stupid shit before the internet.

It's all fun & games till..... your jeans don't fit anymore.

I want to make everything on Pinterest. Unless it has more than 5 steps. Ain't nobody got time for that

I'm afraid if I give up wine, I'll have to replace it with murder.

Ummmm, except that if you're using a treadmill, you're probably NOT using a microwave. They don't really go along with the same lifestyle.

When a girl says she'll be ready in 5 minutes, she's using the same time scale a guy is when he says the game has 5 minutes left.