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No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.

Sometimes I wish you were a Ken doll so I could pop your legs off and beat you with them.

Funny Confession Ecard: Coffee keeps me busy until it's acceptable to drink wine.

Haha sometimes this is so true! Mostly after Michael has been traveling for weeks.

Funny Confession Ecard: 95% of the decisions in my life are based on whether I like the colors of something, if it is pretty, or if it smells good.

If you want to go running with me, youd better be prepared to walk a lot.

Funny Confession Ecard: You should stop worrying about your weight and start worrying about your boring personality.

You start tickling and your injuries are no longer my fault....

I just spent the last hour re-pinning... and what do I have to show for it? Numb feet and the toilet print on the back of my thighs. Thank you Pintrest.

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I confess - I am the first one - PRIMARLY because they set the danged decorations up in the middle of summer.

I will never forget the look on that cop’s face…