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I have actually told people that I'm hoping for the Golden Girls retirement plan--living in a house with hilarious friends near the beach eating cheesecake. Only I would add booze.

Funny Sympathy Ecard: Hurry up and clean the house! We don't want people to think we actually live the way we actually live!

This Week's Funny Stuff, 3/14

Love, nurturing, and dysfunction, plus more funny laughs for moms and dads on the blog!

That's right simple bitch don't come crying to me when it doesn't work out again. Silly bitch who makes a fake profile using my friends picture! Pretty dam shady if I do say so myself! And we both know your insecure ass will always be threatened by me! ;)

Top 20 Funny Quotes about girls

I'm actually not made of wine, but the rest is me and I snorted so this works fine.