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so have sex with me, then make me food, and let me nap.

i like three things: sex, eating, and sleeping. in that order

Suga daddy

Funny Cry for Help Ecard: Kinda tired of having a 'job' and having to 'go to work' and 'pay bills'. Now accepting applications for a sugar daddy.

Somebody asked me if I wanted to have another child. Before I could answer, my uterus jumped out of my body and into oncoming traffic.

Some uterus' should do this! Somebody asked me if I wanted to have another child. Before I could answer, my uterus jumped out of my body and into oncoming traffic.

My degree of bitchy sarcasm depends entirely on your degree of dumbass stupidity.

Free and Funny Breakup/Divorce Ecard: My degree of bitchy sarcasm depends entirely on your degree of dumbass stupidity.

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/543201_426682454067247_1683041371_n.jpg

2 things I know for certain in my life: I have big boobs. My taste in music is wonderful.

men just cant take being sick....

Funny Apology Ecard: Oh you have a cold? How rude of me. I just laid an egg and now my body is violently ripping down the walls of my uterus. But can I get you a tissue? My life it's not even funny

ahahahah

Be careful in that tanning bed, or I will starting telling u that u have been dorito raped

Ok.  It's kind of funny!  Wrong but funny!

Free and Funny Friendship Ecard: On a scale of Anne Frank to Osama Bin Laden. how good was my hiding spot?

Douchebag

Funny Breakup Ecard: Well its a pity your mother din't teach you how to treat a woman. Fortunately for me, mine taught me how to treat a douchebag.

12 Funny And Stupid Jokes That Will Make You Laugh And Groan At The Same Time…

I laughed. I groaned. 12 Funny And Stupid Jokes That Will Make You Laugh And Groan At The Same Time…

Ha ha.. Love it:-)

people always think I'm drunk after just 2 drinks. When in fact, it's not my fault I'm naturally just a God damn blast

This is my life.

Funny Confession Ecard: I wish my house wasn't such a disaster all of the time, but folks won't quit writing books and making cheap wine.

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