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This rant is the best. "Dear guy who just made my burrito: Have you ever been to earth?"
Burritos, Laugh, Comedy Corner, Food, Funny, Dear Guys, Humor, Dr. Who, Hilarious
VULGAR but funny... Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: — Comedy Corner — Medium
Dear Guy Who Just Made My Burrito: — Comedy Corner LOOL this is hilarious
"Dear guy who just made my burrito: Have you ever been to earth?" Funny doesn't even do this justice. I'm crying from laughing.
New post - FUNNY bone #funny #humor #comedycorner #burritos #drunkfoods #fuckingchipotle
Dear guy who just made my burrito: Have you ever been to earth? On earth, we use the word burrito to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and Im surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain: Youre an idiot. Let me further explain: Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burritos end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern. Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY. When you eat a burrito, you dont stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws, and Im not a fucking pelican. But you must think thats how its done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter. And guess what else, player? You probably cant guess anything, because Im pretty sure youre just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, heres what: Humans also dont eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS ILL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND. Nope. My experience was more like HEY BEANS ITS JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG IM IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE ITS NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET. You built this thing life a fucking pack of LifeSavers. And dont even fucking think Im about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THATS HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER. In conclusion: Youre the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
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Knock Knock Jokes For Kids, 30 Jokes, Kids Stuff, Kids Jokes, Jokes Kids, Kids Knock Knock Jokes, Kid Jokes, Kids Approved Jokes, 30 Kids Test Jokes
30 Kid-Tested (and kid approved) jokes! #funny #kids #jokes
30 kid tested jokes!
knock knock jokes for kids
30 Jokes Kid Jokes
Funny Kitty, Cats Humor, Funny Cats, Book, Make Me Laugh, Too Funny, Funny Animal, So Funny, Silly Cat
so funny! Two of my favorite things, cats & books
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Cats and books, too funny.
I know it's not a book, but it does make me laugh.
Cat #funny, #animals, #cats, #humor
Worth Reading, Book Worth, Quote, Book Boyfriends, Boys, Fiction Character, Funny Stuff, So True, True Stories
True story.... I need my true story boy ((:
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