I can't know exactly because I am not you, but I can tell you that I have been in the deepest of darks where you hurt so bad all you think about is ending it. It can get better, and I believe that all hurting people regardless of the nature of their wound can heal to some degree. I truly believe this.
Yes God! Help me control my anger right now, not just my anger, my broken heart and emotions... i feel as if Im spinning out of control... with nothing to hold on to to keep me from falling down... i know you are there... and Im crying out from the deepest part of my heart to breath life into me... cause this pain is slowly killing me:'( i need you now and always! I love you my heavenly father