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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

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Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

1

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