It isn't fair when you know a simple thought from them could rearrange you. All that remains is the hope that somewhere along the way you discarded a stronger more vivacious version of yourself. A fragment to be called upon when you have nothing left.
I'm getting better at hiding it and repressing it. But at night no one sees me break down, my feelings and thoughts then roam free. In the morning it starts all over again, in the morning I can escape into the happy world and in moments can actually feel I'm happy.