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Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.